Have a Better Life

Life has been good to me, I have both parents alive, I have a husband I love and that loves me a lot, two wonderful kids that drive me crazy but that I love more than anything in the world, I’ve got a full time job so, you might say, I have a wonderful life. Why don’t I have the same opinion? Am going having a depression or am I just an unsatisfied person?

Some of the points ‘m about to express were never mentioned on this blog, but having a better life includes personal life, personal issues and even private subjects (including sex).

Here are a few reasons why I’m not fully happy with my life and why I am struggling to go through with my daily life.

• I work full time in an office where I don’t want to be anymore. The environment is not the best, bosses are very demanding, besides regular work I have to take care of some of their private tasks (like buying cigars, but medication for them, pick up their wallet or coat they forgot in the car, etc.). This is not part of my job but I’m asked to do it, if I refuse I’m invited to leave the job. I must refer that I work there for 14,5 years.




• Due to my full time job I can’t pick up the kids at school, I can’t help them with their homework and this is really very upsetting to me.




• Blogging at home is complicated, the kids want me 100% and DH doesn’t make an effort to keep them busy or do some of the things they request me. I guess they all feel that my Laptop is a threat to them although my financial life in 2008 improved due to the money I earned online.




• At home I feel I’m needed 100% ALL the time and they make me feel guilty for wanting to spend some quiet time doing what I want. If I sit down in the couch to watch TV or used the computer I’m immediately interrupted by someone that wants something or just wants to speak. I feel like they are saying: you can’t sit down, we are here.




• When I have a little free time especially when the kids are in bed and for instance I want to watch a movie I’ve got DH stalking me for sex, if I say I want to watch this movie he gets upset because I’m not giving him attention. This subject maybe should be discussed in another type of blog but it is a part of my daily life.

The point here is that I barely have time for myself. Even when I’m able to stay up blogging or watching TV until 2am or 3am, when I go to bed I might be needed for my wife duties. Of course these all situation makes me sad, makes me lose interested in improving sexual life, creates a strange environment, a complicated relationship and I end up thinking: is this my fault? Should I give up doing what I like just to have sex every day? Is it a marital crises? (We started dating 19,5 years ago, married for 14,5).

You can say that sex is not everything, you can talk, you can hug, etc. and I say if I lie down in the couch with him immediately his hands want to go all over my body and most of time I just want to be closed to him and watch TV together. This situation makes me stay away from him; try to be in different couches, different rooms and this is not living.

Communication is tough to handle because he ends up saying that I don’t like anything, that I never want to have sex (if we had the night before), that all other things are more important than having sex and ends the conversation very quickly without wanting to talk any further and this has been a struggle that is getting worse. Before, we had what I called a regular sexual life but now he is insisting in doing many times and I don’t feel up to it.

I don’t talk about this subject with anyone so I don’t imagine how many times a week a couple makes love, but what I know is that I don’t want to feel pressured and having to make love just because he wants to.

Yesterday it happened again, we had made love the day before, I got very sick that day at night for other reasons but yesterday he was really to make love again and…I wasn’t. I told him that I don’t want to make love all the time but for him that’s like an offense. I know today we will be talking as we usually do, we are not one of those couples that stay days without speaking to each other, but the pain in inside me.

This situation upsets me, makes me very anxious, very nervous, I tend to cry a lot and I’m really tired. Am I depressed or am I just not handling things the right way?

Please don’t say that we need vacation…this is a daily life, something we have to deal everyday and it’s not two or three days away that are going to resolve the situation.

I would like to hear some personal opinions on how you handle this type of situation. If you feel more comfortable in sending me an email, it can be anonymous just email me at : soleflor at sapo dot pt. All input is welcome.